Insanity
by perpetual.marble
Summary: During New Moon, Edward's gone and Bella's fallen off the deep end. Charlie has her put in an asylum and this is the story of what happens there. "When it all collapses, who will remain?" Left off, may be continued at a later date.
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing, it's all Stephenie Meyer. **

** AN: this is my first real fanfic and i would appreciate any tips. this is angst-ridden, but i love the characters and hope i'll do them justice. i was wondering what would happen if bella _had_ tried to cross the point of no return, and i decided that charlie would feel unable to care for her and might send her to a place that would be able to protect her from herself. so, here it is, mind you, it does get happier.**

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Chapter One

I laid on the cold floor and stared up at the metal door, a high, impassable barrier between me and the real world, the sane world. Feeling a hard, grinding pain in my hand, I lifted it to see what was the matter and I realized I had been clenching my fist so hard that my fingernails cut into my skin deep enough to draw blood. My mind shied from the memories of another time I had smelled blood, biology…and him… No! If I thought of him again I don't know how my mind would react; last time it happened I was confined to a small, claustrophobic room after I split open my head on the bed, pounding, pounding…

This was a normal life for me now, at the asylum, somewhere I had never even thought of, much less pictured myself in. But after the attempted suicide, Charlie had me consigned. He sometimes visited me, but it made him too sad to see me this way, alone, and frightened of my own mind. Ever since… _he _left, it kept going back to the only things I had, the memories. He tried to take even those as well, for not a glimpse of his picture remained to help me through this darkness.

Nighttime was the worst, when the absence of his granite body was painfully conspicuous. I screamed and screamed at the dreams, but there was no one there to comfort me and wake me up. He was really, truly gone.

Sometimes when I was capable of thought I wondered if he ever really loved me, or if it was just the strange attraction of my warmth. I used to love him and hoped that he would return, but after all I had gone through I was no longer capable of feeling anything but anguish. If I dared to hope, the torture of his betrayal was even stronger.

There wasn't really any point in staying alive here; there was no warmth or love, just cold metal walls and a window too high to see out of. If only… if only I had the means for freedom, a rope, a piece of glass, anything. My life was an empty void with no hope of an escape besides death.

This idea was becoming more and more welcome as the days wore on with exactly the same routine, sedatives in the morning, bland tasteless meals, and a day spent in my room, my prison.

However there was one problem: how? How should I go about my awful plan? Hanging myself was out; when I first came here they took away anything that could be used for that purpose. So was bleeding to death; even if I could fashion some sort of sharp edge I was so sickened by the thought of blood that I would probably pass out before I could do the deed.

These were the thoughts that kept running through my brain, even as I was escorted to the cafeteria by a guard. Sitting there, plastic spork in hand, a wave of utter depression washed over me, and I let it drag me under.

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**AN: so there you have it, the first chapter. i would love input, and i'll try to update as soon as possible.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I apologize for the wait, I don't get a lot of time on the computer because I have to share it with my family. I promise to keep updating, but I can't swear to do it every few days. The longest wait between chapters should be about a week, hopefully less. This chapter sets the scene a little more. Enjoy.**

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Chapter Two

_Two weeks later…_

Today was another weekly tally on the invisible board in my head. It's been two months since my first terrifying day here. However, it didn't become easier to bear, only more difficult to fight. As each hour passed I sank deeper and deeper into the black murkiness of despair.

Slowly, any of my spirit that remained was being suffocated by the ever-present guards, the utter silence in my room, and even worse, the eerie murmurs of a hundred ghost-people in the gathering places. Sometimes, when I was eating another bland meal, I watched my fellow guests.

I could tell that some of them were worse off than me. There was one lady who was constantly humming the lullaby "All the Pretty Little Ponies". It was extremely spooky; the soft, haunting melody wove through the mutters like torn silk.

There was another man who just stared. Nobody could see what he was staring at; his eyes were oddly blank yet seemed to glow at the same time. I had heard rumors that he had said he was watching another world, superimposed over ours.

And there were others, even more disturbing than them. For example, the young girl, only fourteen or fifteen, who meandered down the halls chanting, "Very gory, very gory, very gory…" getting progressively higher and higher in pitch until she broke off into a keening cry and began again.

Then there was the man whose neck had been broken when he fell down the stairs; he could turn his head almost all the way around to look at you. He insists that he was pushed by his daughter. She had been dead for three years.

Most of us inmates were not trusted with any metal or sharp objects and as many things as possible were made of plastic. When the first incident occurred (splitting my head open), I was placed in one of the "special rooms", the ones where people on suicide watch lived. There were no sharp objects, and any corners had infant protection pads on them. If I needed to use the restroom I had to push a button and a guard would come to escort me.

At night when I slept on the molded, plastic bed my dreams tore at my heart with taloned claws, and not once did I not wake up screaming. After this went on for some time, the guards stopped coming. I was given pills before bed, added to the multitudes already taken, but they never worked. I felt like a druggie, perpetually stoned. I was on so many "stabilizers" that I was surprised I could think at all.

The counselors tried to keep us busy; we were always in some therapy or other. Art therapy, song therapy, water therapy, they were all the same. My cubby was full of macramé and watercolor pictures. However, they couldn't distract my mind enough.

Suicide was becoming more and more attractive, and I thought about it whenever I had nothing to do. I had thought that the hardest part would be getting the courage to go through with it, but in actuality the problem was how to go about it. The only means I had to do it were my own body. I just had to think of a way to actually go through with it.

Without my angel I had no life, so I wasn't actually killing myself. I was long dead.

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**AN: The next chapter will hopefully be longer, and it will be a slight songfic to the song "Angels" by Within Temptation. I would recommend checking it out beforehand; it's great and describes Edward in Bella's POV exactly. 'Til then, farewell.**

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	3. Chapter 3

**AN: First of all, I have been forgetting to put disclaimers. This next one will cover all previous and future chapters of this story. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, not me. There we go. Now, all the things in italics are lyrics to the song "Angels" by Within Temptation. They are a little out of order to fit my purposes. The things in bold are her recollections. Read now.  
**

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Chapter Three

I laid in bed and stared up at the shadowed corners of the room. My mind had been so clouded; no matter what, it always attempted to return to _him_…

"Stop it!" I silently cried. I couldn't do this any more! I stood up and began pacing the slick floor. My mind raced; I had to end this tonight. There was no way I could bear this confusion any longer. I felt like my head was being split open. There was no point in going along with this charade any longer. This was not a life! Is this how I would exist for all eternity: suffocating beneath my memories?

I began to brainstorm. The only resources I possessed to bring about my death were parts of my body: my teeth or my nails. I supposed that was it. That was what I would do. I would bite down onto my tongue until it bled, then, even if I passed out, I would continue to bleed to death. And, since it wasn't very obvious, the cameras in my room would not be able to observe my fate until it was too late. I kept going over it in my head until I was certain; there was no way this plan could fail. There would be no going back now.

I slowly crossed the room and laid down on the cot. There was only one thing left to do now: give in. I could finally let the memories in. There were nothing left to hope for. I might as well die somewhat happy, thinking of_him_. And so it began.

_Sparkling angel_

_I believed_

_you were my saviour in my time of need_

_Blinded by faith, I couldn't hear_

_all the whispers, the warnings so clear_

**The look in his eyes as he gazed through my veil of hair. The icy, black rivers of hate crossing the distance between us. Yet the undeniable attraction I felt towards him existed even then.**

_I see the angels_

_I'll lead them to your door_

_there's no escape now_

_no mercy no more_

_no remorse cause I still remember_

_the smile when you tore me apart_

**The day in the meadow. His luminescent skin under my fingers. The clenched line of his jaw as he menaced me. His sad, apologetic topaz eyes as he told me that I may not survive the day when I was near him. The first burning touch of his lips against mine.**

_Sparkling angel_

_I couldn't see_

_your dark intentions_

_your feelings for me_

**The heart-pounding story of his creation told to me in the voice of an angel. The lock of bronze hair falling in his face as he told me of his mother's love. The faces of his family, my family, screaming for me in the ballet studio, fearing for my life. His sobs and cries of love and fear as I lay there in the chasm between life and death.**

_You took my heart_

_deceived me right from the start_

_You showed me dreams_

_I wished they would turn into real_

_You broke the promise and made me realize_

_it was all just a lie_

_Fallen angel, tell me why?_

_What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?_

**Our inequalities. His inexplicable air of despair. His coldness towards me after my birthday. The fierce, hard kiss that scared me. The message. Meet him in the woods.**

_Could have been forever_

_Now we have reached the end_

_This world may have failed you_

_it doesn't give you the reason why_

_You could have chosen a different path in life_

_THE SMILE WHEN YOU TORE ME APART_

"**Edward!!!**" I cried his name for the first time since he had left me, and the gaping hole within me tore open once again. I could feel the jagged edges of the heart that belonged to **Edward **being wrenched apart. And with that, I bit down hard, until I could taste the salty tang of blood beginning to fill my mouth. Still I bit down, harder and harder, until I could've screamed with all the pain in my soul as well as in my mouth.

As I began to choke on the blood, my vision filled with a red haze and vivid, throbbing colors. My mind whirled in circles and I could feel the room spinning around me. Oddly enough, as I spun down into the depths of the fog, before I was out completely, I felt solid marble arms clasp me around my shoulders. And then I was gone.

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**AN: Sorry for the cliffy, but i couldn't resist! The next chapter will hopefully be up soon. Tell me what you like or dislike.**

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	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Sorry for the long wait, it might take longer than i thought to get chapters up. This one is really metaphorical and supernatural. I kinda played off of Stephenie's idea of sinking under water in Twilight. Hope you like it.**

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Chapter Four

I swam in an inky sea, miraculously pain-free. Black water like tears enveloped me from head to toe. Strange creatures, not mammals, but not quite fish surrounded me. I felt scintillating weeds brush against my legs, then float away and reveal themselves as the strange inhabitants of this world. Small, slimy beasts stared up at me with great glowing orbs for eyes. I curled myself into a fetal ball and shut my eyes to block out these visions.

Water caressed my naked skin like velvet and I felt a swift current carrying me in an unknown direction. I stretched out my limbs and let myself be swept away with it. Cautiously I cracked open an eyelid and was confronted with the same mysterious world. Slowly, the tide beckoned me towards a kaleidoscope of darkness. Yet, from within the darkness emanated a strange panorama of color and light. The only worldly occurrence I could relate it to was an imploding sun.

As I approached the light, my body seemed to weigh less and less, until, when I glanced down at myself, I saw nothing. I had no physical state. My spirit floated on and upwards, escaping from all of the eerie beasts that spent their lives drifting through the impenetrable murk. I was now only a few moments away from the glowing darkness and I reached out towards its pulsating shape. Suddenly, all around me I heard voices from my past, ghostly whispers of my existence.

"Bella! Don't put that in your mouth!" I heard Renee reprimanding my toddler self. She had always been the best mother to me, even if it occasionally seemed like our roles were reversed. Moving to Forks was the best decision of my life, but I sometimes I still regretted leaving her in Phoenix.

"What's for dinner Bella?" I heard my dad holler. From his weary tone I could tell he'd had a long day at work. Charlie was easygoing and neutral, up until the motorcycle incident. He had left me to myself, yet I felt a kinship towards him, for we had many personality traits in common. Life in Forks wouldn't have been the same without seeing his police lights and siren meandering through town.

"How's Mike? Did you pass the English test? How about the beach this weekend?" Now the sounds of my classmates' chatter filled the water around me, and though I hadn't made any very close friends in Forks, they filled a part of my life that had been missing in Phoenix.

Finally, all around me I heard the melodic voices of my newest family: Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice. They were all there except for one: my soul mate, my other half, my true love: Edward. Where was he? I looked frantically around, craning my head to catch any sound from him, even as the current carried me on towards the indistinct glowing orb.

All too suddenly, every single voice vanished, all remnants of my life gone, but for one. A familiar form stepped forth from the center of the underwater sun, and strode towards me. My Edward. His face became clearer, and I recognized a look of intense pleading. "Bella," he cried, "Don't do this! I love you, I always have! I swear I'll never leave you again, my love!"

I smiled tenderly up at him, and stretched out to touch my personal angel. Somehow, my physical self reappeared, free of all imperfections. Edward clutched me hazardously close to him and delicately whispered in my ear, "This is how you appear to me, my Bella. Even if you chose to become a vampire, you could not be any more beautiful." As our lips touched, a blinding white light illuminated the sea for miles, and the world around me faded.

I opened my eyes, only to be shocked with the sight of a face rivaling that of an angel's itself; a face I knew would always be there for me, no matter what. The face of my past, future, and present.

The last moment visible to me was his pitch black eyes, shot through with agony, gazing deep into mine. And then, letting out a tender sigh, I fainted once more.

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**AN: The end isn't meant to be a cliff hanger, she'll come to in the next chapter's beginning. **


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I've given you guys a much longer chapter; it was going to be two, but i decided that you've all waited long enough! Part two changes to a 3rd person POV. I only answer really important questions in reviews, so if you are in any way confused, leave me a note. **

Chapter Five

My surroundings slowly came back into view, fuzzy black patches fading from my vision. It was still very dark outside, but a faint hint of purple dawn was appearing in the distance. I cautiously raised my head and realized that the air flying past me was moving at an absurd pace. In fact, a speed I had only felt a few times before… in the arms of a vampire. With this thought, I whipped my head around and finally realized my location.

I was pressed closely to Edward's chest, held tight by the arms of a man I had never believed I would see again. We were racing through a small suburban neighborhood, but where I was didn't matter compared to the god-like face above me. He was looking down at me while running with seemingly no effort at all, and my heart rejoiced as I met his deep black eyes for the first time in months.

A bolt of electricity shot through my body and my hand instinctively reached up to stroke his face. There were subtle stress marks at the corners of his eyes, and I attempted to smooth them away; pouring my love through my fingertips to his skin. His eyes closed in contentment; a soft humming purr echoing through his throat. 

I felt, rather than saw, his body shift, and then his lips were stroking mine, coaxing them open with tender softness. Throughout this, our eyes connected; the bond between us unbroken. He broke our kiss, and whispered delicately, "Bella, oh Bella, there is nothing I can say that would eloquently construe my emotions for you at this exact moment."

Reality came rushing back with a mind-numbing thud: Edward had left me broken and alone. I was miserable. My whole mouth hurt, I was nauseous from the smell of my own blood, and to top that, my soul mate didn't love me. He saw the desperation begin to fill my eyes, and quickly reassured me.

"Don't worry, my dear, nothing could cause me to leave you ever again. I love you so much." I winced in disbelief. He ignored me and went on in distress, "Why were you in that wretched place, and how could you possibly harm yourself that way?" 

I tried to speak but my voice failed me. I tried again, my voice crackly with disuse, "You left me, Edward, did you really think I would go on and forget you with a smile on my face? I tried to kill myself," His head shot up, looking appalled, and he tried to say something.

"Let me finish," I reprimanded, and placed a finger on his lips, marveling at their marble coolness. "I tried to kill myself, but Charlie found me before it was too late. He sent me to the asylum because I was nearly catatonic for the pain of missing you. I wouldn't talk, eat, or move, all I could do was sleep. Every time I tried, however, I woke myself with my screams." I felt guilty when I saw the anguished expression on Edward's angelic face, but he needed to know how he had left me wounded. I needed him to know that I would have never forgotten him as he had thought. "For the last few months I've been incapable of feeling any happiness or hope… because without you I am nothing." 

"I was alone in that place, and my only comfort was that you were out there living your life. But even that wasn't enough; I was lost without you." As I looked up into his face I began to grow concerned. He looked ravenous; his eyes were a murky black and the circles underneath were a darker shade of purple than I had ever seen them before. "What _have_ you been doing, Edward?" I asked slowly. "You look awful."

"Thanks," he said, grinning wryly, "that makes me feel so wonderful." I lightly smacked his arm and smiled. I smiled! For the first time in months I actually felt warmth inside. He continued on a more serious note, "I have been in agony without you Bella, I don't know how I managed to leave you, and I swear never to put either of us through that ever again."

I averted my eyes as they filled with tears; he _still_ felt a need to console me. I knew he didn't love me anymore; I could never be good enough for him. But the least he could do was be honest; it would only hurt us more to pretend. 

I felt Edward's hand lift my chin, and I tried in vain to avoid his penetrating gaze. "You'd tell me if something was wrong, right Bella?" 

I nodded mutely; he knew as well as I that we shouldn't draw this out, but if he wanted to play games, so be it. I might as well wait until we reached our destination, still unascertained to me, to seriously discuss what to do. And so we sped on in an uncomfortable silence that seemed to be filled with silent words of longing.

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_First POV change: 3__rd__ person_

The director of Blairesville Mental Health Rehabilitation Center watched the monitor with anticipation. "There!" he barked sharply, "Look there!" A blurred figure raced across the screen, almost too quickly for the attending administrators to follow. 

Dr. Phillips went on angrily, "I don't know what the hell that is, and I want somebody to find out! One of our patients has gone missing and this is the only thing that our highly trained guards could find that was out of the ordinary! The one thing that remains of our, may I remind you, _paying_ resident is some flecks of blood on her bed. She could be dead for all we know!" 

Amidst the disgruntled mutters of several freshly-woken officials, a voice rose in disbelief, "But what on earth could that thing be? I mean, it's not like it was something we could _guard_ against, it was obviously extremely fast and strong; it tore through quite a few solid steel doors!"

A few older men present rolled their eyes. "We've already covered this. Yes, it appears to be a living creature. No, there is no way to decipher what it could be. We just simply don't know!" Dr. Phillips replied. 

While he was saying this, a withered figure cracked open the door, cautiously glanced around the room and crept inside, closing the door silently behind her. She seemed to be ancient; her skin was withered and colorless, her disheveled cloud of hair was as white as frozen dew, and her eyes, peering out from underneath drooping lids, were clouded and rheumy with age. She went unnoticed for a few moments, for the men and women inside of the room had begun to raise their voices in anger. 

Finally the same young man who had started the commotion caught sight of the trespasser. He stared at the figure for a second in disbelief, then ran quickly up to Dr. Phillips and tapped his shoulder. "Sir, _sir_!" He finally got the director's attention, and whispered frantically in his ear, pointing to the intruder. 

Dr. Phillips' eyes widened, and he motioned for silence. As the room grew quiet, people's gazes were drawn to the oddity: an old woman, eyes closed, rocking back and forth and humming a hauntingly beautiful tune. For a moment there was no movement, and then the director cautiously walked up to the lady. 

"Excuse me…" he glanced at one of the wardens who mouthed a name, concern evident on his face. "…Miss McHarris? Let's go back to bed now." the warden said calmly as he gently caught hold of her frail arm. But before the warden could escort her back to confinement, she wrenched free from his grasp and ran up to the monitor where the strange security video was playing on a loop. Staring at the blur, the woman murmured one word.

"Alexander." 

Then her eyes rolled up into her head and Lily McHarris, age 65, collapsed.

The same warden who had attempted to comfort the woman grabbed his walkie-talkie and shouted urgently for assistance. Several guards came running into the room and carried the limp woman out.

Dr. Phillips turned to an anxious guard. "How did she get out of her room? She could have been anywhere! It was our own good luck that she chose to wander into this room!" he spat out angrily. 

"I- I don't know sir." The poor guard muttered, all the while keeping his eyes glued to the ground. 

"I think we should all take a break," he continued sharply. "We are all tired and we need our wits about us to find Isabella Swan." He sat back down at his desk, obviously not intending to follow his own advice, and began typing rapidly. The weary men and women filed out of the room, heading off through separate corridors. In the distance the screams of an unruly patient echoed through the halls, but none looked up. For you see, in a place where most of the residents were insane, this was the only background noise.

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**AN: i've had a major plot renovation, instead of the story ending soon after the asylum, it's going to go on. i won't tell you anything major, but i will tell you that it involves Lily McHarris. 'til next time!**


	6. Chapter 6

~Chapter Six~

_Lily McHarris' POV_

I gazed out of the tiny window in my prison, but the view was marred by the presence of three thick black smears. The chilled bars pressed against my time-wasted face, and yet strangely they comforted me. The outside world was dark, marked by pin pricks of clarity. Gray cloud-smudges drifted across my vision like hot-air balloons from hell.

I pricked up my ears at a small familiar squeaking coming from underneath the cot I'd slept on for the 45 years. My knees creaked angrily, remonstrating me when I knelt to find my little friend. Just as I'd thought, a small, pearly white lizard was scurrying past the furthest bed pole.

Suddenly, he stopped dead and a rabid grin crossed his miniature snout. He rose onto his hind legs and opened his mouth wider, wider, wider… A jaundiced light spilled from the reptile's gullet like sewer mud. It oozed across the floor under the bed until it touched my bare, icy toes. A violent shudder wracked my spine.

My eyes abruptly shot open, frantically searching for the intruder, and I gasped for air. The springs squeaked when I sat up and glanced around the stuffy little room. Other than the ever-present spiders perched in the ceiling corners, it was empty. Glaring at the watching insects, I rose and walked over to the window, where I resumed pressing my face against the bars as I had in the nightmare.

The welcome coolness of the metal bars didn't stop me from glowering. The little lizard had been appearing to me more often recently: napping in a square of sun, scampering across the sides of my vision, or darting under the sheets. Anytime I focused directly on him, he would hiss and glare with cold black eyes. Somehow those diminutive little marbles provoked a strange sense of déjà vu. To my dismay, no matter how much I complained the lumbering fools guarding my room were never quite fast enough to see the little bugger.

A draft ruffled my white hair. Ignoring the protests of my joints I hobbled back over to my mattress. My old bones were more achy than ever. The other night had robbed me of my last fantasies of youth.

It was just like him to show up when I had almost forgotten my love. Some knight in shining armor! Bitterness invaded my mouth and my eyes were filled by the familiar tears. It was _his _fault my supple body had wasted away to this parody of a female! How I envied Isabella with her rich, brown hair and soft curves. And now her freedom. What right did she have to escape this hellhole after mere months?

Age-weakened memories had been evoked by that pale blur. I'd realized by now it hadn't been my Alexander, but it was surely one of his kind. I had come to fear that I was insane as they'd said, but finally the proof for my "delusions" had arrived.

I winced as always when the bell clanged in the hallway. Waiting for the guards to plod in to help me to my meal, I swore I'd be free of this prison before I died.

**AN: This baby is out of my hands. (And looking for a home!) If you're interested in adopting it, drop me a PM! Insanity was a great time for me, but I've moved onwards and upwards. And I'm VERY sorry for putting this off for two years!!! **

**Best wishes, **


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